Not Just a Joke
by haleyisafangirl
Summary: James Potter will never stop teasing Lily Evans. But are his attempts to win her just a joke, or more than that?
1. Stuck

I ducked into a secret passageway, hoping to avoid the winding corridors that normally led to Gryffindor tower from this spot in the castle, cut down the time it took me to get to the common room, and go to bed as soon as possible. It had been a long day: Transfiguration had fried my brain, and I had several rolls of parchment in my bag on which I had just finished writing my various essays. The prospect of sleep had been the only thing keeping me alive through the day.

My mind was whirring away, jumping from one thing on my to-do list to the next. As I continued down the passageway, however (a cool stone one lit by magic torches; the Marauders supposed that it was built by the founders of the school, since it was inside the castle), I heard a strange, small gasp somewhere up ahead and to my right.

Looking closer, I saw that it was someone hunched against the wall and shaking. It was a boy, and his head was buried in his hands; he appeared to be crying. The situation made me nervous; how could I approach the boy without making things awkward?

Running my hand through my hair with uncertain nerves, I, being me, accidentally resolved my problem; I knocked a bobby pin out of my hair and it clattered to the ground, the usually minuscule noise echoing in the empty hall. The boy looked up and I let out a little gasp.

It was James Potter.

"Evans," he said quickly, "what are you doing here?"

"Remus told me about the passage, and I... er... thought I wanted to take the short way today..." He looked away and tried to wipe his eyes.

Something inside me woke up (kindness? pity? forgiveness?) and I was compelled to ask him what was wrong. Normally, I hated the stupid git and his smirk, but now, I felt nothing but compassion for the boy who had accidentally shown me, the girl he had been chasing after for years, his weak side. "James?" I half-whispered. "What's wrong?"

He looked at me for a second, uncried tears still glistening in his eyes. "It's my mum. She was killed... yesterday... on the way to work." He started crying again.

"Oh, James... I'm so sorry," I whispered as I walked over, sat down, and put my arm around him, somewhat awkwardly but hopefully in a comforting way. He paused his tears to blink at me, confused.

"You've never called me James before." I contemplated his observation and realized that it was true; I hadn't noticed that I had used his first name just then, and had no idea what had made me do it, but it didn't seem too terribly important.

He continued crying into my shoulder for a while, and I worried about the best way to comfort him; we had never had any serious interactions, and I didn't want to intrude on his privacy. After several minutes, he pulled away and I asked him if he wanted me to leave.

"No, no," he frantically assured me. "You may not need me, Lily, but I need you. Please, just stay a little."

"Of course. I only thought... you might've wanted privacy or something..."

He chuckled. "Why would you think that?" he mumbled sarcastically. "I've always wanted you, of all people, to see me crying."

"I don't mind, really," I told him. "It's actually... er... you actually have... emotions." Though it sounds simple, I had really only just seen that he had actual feelings; usually, with his cocky laughter and arrogant jokes, he seemed to me like there was nothing underneath. He chuckled again, then wiped his eyes with a certain finality that told me he was done crying. He sighed.

"Thanks for everything, Lily... We should probably get back to the common room now before we start patrolling."

"Agreed," I mumbled. He rose quickly, offering me his hands to help me up from the ground. I obliged and we set off down the passage together.

Upon climbing the stairs and walking the short remainder of the corridor, however, we found we couldn't get through to the other side. Though James pushed his hardest with all his Quidditch muscles (though I hated to admit it, they were definitely there), the door wouldn't open. All of a sudden, a realization hit me almost as jarring as my epiphany moments earlier about James Potter actually having emotions: The construction.

"James?" I asked frantically. "Didn't Dumbledore say that they were remodeling the corridor on the other side?"

"Yeah, so?" He was still pushing against the wall, which remained stationary despite his best efforts.

"So they might've moved something heavy against this wall." He slumped against it, defeated.

Staring at the ground, something else seemed to hit him. "And this is a one-way passage. The other door doesn't open from the inside." That possibility hadn't occurred to me.

James moved over so I could try a few spells on the door, but none of them seemed to be working. Apart from blasting the door open, which I was sure would mean a change in Head Boy and Girl, there was no other spell or charm I could think of. As I tried to contemplate the options, I realized with a sudden feeling of panic that there were none. I was stuck in this hidden passageway with James Potter.


	2. Exploding Snap and Twenty Questions

Of all the people on my list that I could've picked to be trapped with, he would be my last. Well, that wasn't entirely true. Black and Potter probably tied. Actually, Black was probably last instead of Potter; James had certainly matured recently, and I had been able to get to know him a little more now that we were Head Boy and Girl.

"James?" I asked him, wishing desperately for his opinion to clash with mine. "Are we really stuck?"

"Looks like it," he sighed, putting away a mirror he had fished out of his bag. This is not the time to check your hair, I though begrudgingly. Upon seeing the look of panic on my face as I realized there really was no way out, he tried to comfort me: "Don't worry, Evans. Sirius or Remus will realize I'm gone soon enough, and when they check the map they'll come and get me."

"What map? How will they know we're in here?"

"They'll know," he assured me. I shrugged it off, not wanting to argue and so optimistic that a part of me actually believed him. We stared at each other for a moment.

"What now?" I asked.

"Now," he said with a smirk, "You get to spend time with one of your favorite people in the world." I rolled my eyes, half of me annoyed at the situation and the other half annoyed at him, and stomped back to where I had left my bag. Moving closer to one of the torches, I slumped against the wall where I had found him and pulled out one of my books.

"Evans," I heard him groan from the direction of the stairs as his footsteps echoed ever closer. "You aren't really going to do homework, are you? Tomorrow is Saturday. We don't have classes." He slid down the wall and sat next to me, and I rolled my eyes and continued with my reading. "Do you ever stop working?" he asked, exasperated.

"Of course," I shot back.

"How late have you slept in on a Saturday this year?"

Hoping that by answering his question I could make him go away, I thought about it for a moment. After a while, I mumbled, "Eight o'clock."

"Eight o'clock!" he exclaimed. "Mercy, Evans, you've woken up in the morning every day! Weekends aren't worth it if you aren't sleeping into the afternoon every once in a while."

I rolled my eyes again, letting venom and anger seep into my voice. "Despite what you may think, waking up in the morning does not make me a homework machine."

"How long have you played a game of Exploding Snap this year?"

I avoided his gaze, actually a little embarrassed by this answer. "I haven't played one."

"Not a single game of Exploding Snap!" he exclaimed. "Evans, that is ridiculous! Live a little!"

"I haven't had time!" I shouted.

"No. You do have time. You have time right now. Evans, it is a Friday night and I am not going to let you waste it doing homework."

"Potter," I groaned.

"No arguments." He grabbed me by the hands and hoisted me up from the ground. Leaning over, he shut my book and shoved it back into the bag. "Tonight, Evans, you are actually going to have fun."

As our game went on, my annoyance slipped into enjoyment. I eventually found myself laughing, whooping with excitement when the game was going my way, and trash talking Potter. He was, of course, much better than I was, having played much more recently, but he let me come close to winning.

"See, Evans?" he asked as we collapsed back into a sitting position on the floor, facing each other in the middle of the hall, having finished our game. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

I narrowed my eyes, but couldn't avoid admitting defeat. "Fine, you win. I guess fun is actually… fun," I finished lamely. His smirk was probably more smug than I'd ever seen it. "What now? Can I go back studying?"

"Of course not." He sounded indignant. "Now, we are… going to play Twenty Questions."

"Why Twenty Questions?" I asked.

"Because, Evans, I have finally got you where you can't avoid me, and I'm going to take advantage of it. The reason you've never said yes to me-"

"Is because you're a git?" I interrupted.

He narrowed his eyes. "No. Is because you've never been able to get to know me. And now you have the perfect opportunity in front of you. I, of course, will get my fair share of questions, though I'll probably know the answer to most of them."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. Are there any rules?"

"You have to answer truthfully. No lying. You get one pass if you get a question you don't like."

"Okay... does it have to be twenty?"

"No. It can be however many you want it to."

"Twelve."

"Twelve?"

"You start."

At first the questions were trivial things like favorite food and best part of a Quidditch match. The interrogation deepened, however, when he asked me about my relationship with Petunia. I felt my face redden and he immediately assured me that I didn't have to answer if I didn't want to and he wouldn't take away my one pass, but I shook off his offer. "It's complicated," I began. "When I found out I was a witch, she started competing against me at everything we did. I don't talk to her or write to her or anything during the year, because she told me not to... even in the summer when I'm around, she wants nothing to do with me. I think she's just jealous, but she... er... doesn't deal with it well."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I shrugged. "I'm used to it by now, and she's getting married this summer, so I won't be around her much anymore. Anyway," I continued, hoping to push past the subject, "my turn." He smiled. I thought for a minute. "How close were you to your mum?"

"Very," he admitted with a little hesitation. "I was always close to my parents. I always wanted to be just like them when I grew up. Still do." He stared at the ground at his feet.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No, it's fine," he said, but I knew he was lying. "My question." He finally looked up. "Severus."

"That's not a question," I mumbled, my turn to look at the floor.

"You know what I meant," he persisted.

"Pass," I whispered.

Severus had hurt me unbelievably with just one word. He had gone down the wrong path and I was determined not to go there with him. He thought he was better than me just because of his blood status, and that wasn't the type of person I wanted as my friend. We hadn't spoken since fifth year.

"Your turn," James said softly.

"Top five people you care about most."

He looked up at the ceiling for a moment. "Can I have six?" he asked after a while, looking back down at me.

"Sure."

"Dad, Mum, Sirius, Remus, Peter..." his voice trailed off.

"That's only five," I reminded him.

"I don't... er... nevermind about six." It was obvious that he still had a sixth person on his mind. Was it a sibling? A cousin? A godparent?

"No, tell me," I insisted, a hint of complaint in my voice.

"No. You asked for five and you got five. My turn." I glowered at him, but he just smirked and went on. "What's your biggest fear?"

That one didn't require any thought. "My family being killed. Yours?" I hoped to avoid further talk on the subject by switching to my question immediately.

"Another one of my 'top six' being killed." Neither of us felt our answers needed any elaboration. With the war, it seemed like everyone's biggest fear was related to their loved ones and an untimely death. "My turn. Why didn't you answer about Severus?"

"You already asked about him," I glared, and he argued that it was a completely different question. I knew he wouldn't give me another pass, but I wasn't going to explain anything about Severus to him. To avoid the question, I stood up, and he followed suit as I attempted to walk by him, mumbling something about trying the door again.


	3. Serious(ly Awkward)

"Lily, wait," he said as he grabbed my arm and prevented me from passing him. He looked straight into my eyes and apologized: "I'm sorry, Lily. I shouldn't have done that... I was being stupid." With his eyes on me, I saw his sincerity and knew that he hadn't meant the question just to annoy me; he had been genuinely curious.

"It's okay," I found my mouth saying before my brain could tell it to shut up. "I didn't answer about Severus because his betrayal hurt me nearly as much as my sister's hatred. Both of my former best friends turned against me, and I guess I still haven't gotten over it," I admitted.

"It's not you, Lily," he said softly. I could feel him looking at me though I was avoiding his gaze, and I wondered whether he was looking straight into my mind. I had always worried that it was something about me that had driven those two away from me. I must've showed the doubt I felt, because James kept going. "I mean it. If those two don't want your friendship, then they don't deserve it. Don't let them make you think that you aren't worth it or anything like that." I continued staring at the ground, but he used the hand that wasn't gripping my wrist to lift up my chin and lift my face to look at him. He must have seen the disbelief in my eyes, because his own hazel ones turned sad. "Do you want to know who the sixth person on my most-cared-about-list is?" he asked.

"Sure," I shrugged, unable to avoid his pressing gaze and feeling increasingly nervous but increasingly comfortable at the same time.

"Isn't it obvious?" I shook my head, and he looked surprised that I didn't know. "It's you, Lily," he whispered. I shook my head and looked away again, sure that he was kidding. "My word, Lily," he cried, "don't you believe me?"

I looked back into his eyes, searching for a hint that he was lying to make me feel better or joking with me because that's what he did, but his expression was more sincere than I had ever seen it. As his eyes met mine, his demeanor softened even more from one of sincerity to one of sincere sadness. He must've really wanted me to believe him. He kept his eyes fixated on mine and leaned his head toward me. Before I knew what he was doing, he was kissing me.

After a moment of paralysis, utterly shocked by what he had done, I did something even more shocking. I began to kiss him back. I threw my arms around his neck and he placed his around my waist and pulled me in. Our bodies were far too close together, and I could feel my hands in his hair without really knowing that I had put them there. His grip on me tightened, and I felt absolutely safe, safer than I had felt in a long time, probably since You-Know-Who had come to power. The craziest part of it all was that I didn't want him to let go.

I have no idea how long it lasted, which probably means that the time span was greater than it should have been. When it was finally done, however, I stared at him and let the shock sink in. Confused by the two halves of my body warring against one another, one wanting to snog him again and the other wanting to curl up in a ball and cry, I turned my back quickly and walked away. "I think I'm going to sleep now," I said quietly back to him.

"Lily, wait," he called after me, but I was set on ignoring him. I walked about thirty meters before lying down on the cold floor against the wall and shutting my eyes, willing my brain to shut down so I didn't have to think about what had just happened. It had barely been two seconds, however, when I heard his voice calling my name again.

"What?" I asked as I opened my eyes and rolled over. He had taken off his robe and was standing there in just his button-down, loosened tie, and trousers. "Here," he said as he handed it to me. "For a blanket or a pillow or something."

I had to pause a moment and think really hard about what to say next. "Thank you," I finally murmured, now that my brain had settled down enough to work properly.

"You're welcome. Good night, Lily." I didn't reply; my mind was too busy processing everything to come up with words at the moment.

_I just kissed James Potter._

_No. No. No. He kissed me._

_But I kissed him back._

_Oh, goodness._

_It was weird seeing that he had actual emotions, and I think that's what threw me off. That, and he is an incredible snogger, what with all the Quidditch muscles holding me and everything._

_My word, Lily. Get a grip. This is Potter you're talking about. Ask you out everyday Potter. Make it a joke Potter._

_Crying about his parents Potter._

_Might have actual emotions Potter._

_"The last person on my most cared about list was you" Potter._

_Okay, that last remark was definitely not true. You don't genuinely care about someone and make a joke out of asking them out on a regular basis. He treats me as if it's no big deal, he's just messing around, he's never seriously considering it._

_Then again, that's never bothered me before._

_I've never had reason to think that he could be serious about it before. But now that I have one… do I want him to be? He definitely proved tonight that he's not all fun and games, what with the crying. But we jumped straight from "I actually care about you and you're not just a joke" to snogging, and there was no time for explanations._

_But what if that means he's thought about this a million times and didn't think it would need explaining?_

_I wonder if he really has ever thought about it before._

_Okay, stop it, Lily. It was just a kiss and nothing more. He doesn't actually care about you, so stop thinking like he does._

I blocked all other thoughts from my brain, though they were knocking on my mind's door very hard, and tried to focus on sleep. Eventually, I wrapped myself tighter in James's cloak and drifted off.


	4. Afterwards

I did not do so peacefully, however. Images of my parents and sister and green flashes of light kept entering in and out of my dreams, which evolved into nightmares. They were dying, he was chasing them, he was after them and no matter how hard I propelled my feet I would never catch up, never be fast enough to save them, would always run in at just the right time to see the horror on their faces before they died. I stood in the doorway behind him and shouted the first spell that came to my mind, though I knew that his curse had already been cast, but he was too quick, he turned around and shouted and…

I was awake. I sat up quickly, breathing heavily, and began sobbing into my hands. Soon, I heard a voice coming somewhere from my right. "Lily?" I looked up through a crack in my fingers and saw James illuminated by the torchlight. "Are you okay?" he whispered. I shook my head and resumed crying. All of a sudden, I felt an arm around my shoulders and involuntarily turned into the shoulder attached to it.

James and I sat there like that for who knows how long, our roles from earlier reversed. "I had a nightmare," I explained between sobs. "He killed my family."

"Shhh…" James whispered gently as he held me. "Go back to sleep," he said softly after a while. "You're safe now."

"But… but…" I tried to protest but words failed me. I didn't want to risk another nightmare.

"Lily, I will not let anything happen to you. I promise. Just close your eyes and try." I obeyed, and after a while my breathing slowed. I could feel sleep overtaking me again, and the only reason that I let it was because I could still feel James's arm around me.

When I woke up again, I did so to find a pair of hazel eyes behind wire-rimmed glasses staring down at me. "Morning," James said cheerfully as I jumped a little and slid away from him.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Oh, about ten," he sighed. "Shame, really, even when you're with me you still didn't sleep til the afternoon."

"Didn't you go back to sleep? I thought surely you would've gone back to wherever you had been sleeping."

"See, I would've done that, but you asked me not to." He smirked at me. Typical Potter.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I did no such thing."

"Yes, you did" he teased. "Right as you were falling asleep, you mumbled, 'Stay with me.' I obliged." I felt my face redden, and it must've done so considerably because he laughed. "Don't worry, Evans, I did fall asleep eventually while I sat with you, though I was much less comfortable than I had been earlier, and that's saying something considering the circumstances."

I murmured something of an apology and, realizing I still had his cloak wrapped around me, hastily returned it to him. "When do you think Sirius or Remus will be here?" I asked, still staring at the ground.

"Oh, they already came," Potter said nonchalantly, as if he was telling me what was being served for breakfast that morning.

"What?!" I exclaimed. "When?!"

"About an hour ago. They propped the door open," he explained in that same casual tone. When I looked at him questioningly, he went on, "I didn't want to wake you."

"Oh," I said quietly. "Er... thanks." He smiled at me. "I'll just be going, then," I said as I stood and picked up my bag.

"Later, Evans," he said as he waved from the floor. Feeling extremely awkward, I turned briskly and walked just as quickly toward the door. I was almost at the end of the passageway when I heard James's voice. "Evans!" I turned back around to face him; he had stood up, but hadn't moved any closer to the door. "Did you have fun?"

After a moment's thought, I called back, "Yes." He smiled and I returned it, though in a smaller and shyer form. Having nothing else to say, I rolled my eyes playfully, turned back, walked the rest of the passageway, and slipped out into the main corridor, being careful to keep the door propped open slightly.

I had fun with James Potter.


	5. Finally

**Author's note: This is the last chapter I have written, but if y'all want me to write more I for sure can! Please review and let me know what you thought and if you want me to keep writing!**

* * *

I didn't see much of James in the next week. He was out of school Monday through Wednesday to be at home for his mum's funeral and everything like that. Even when he returned, I only saw him during class and patrolling. He wasn't spending much time in the common room, and he was never present at meals. By Friday afternoon, I was worried. "Sirius!" I called as I saw him pass me in the corridor. After asking him about James, he assured me that everything was going to be fine, but James was currently going through a bit of a depression spell.

I understood why and I couldn't blame him for anything (after all, his worst fear had been realized, and I knew I would be a mess if any of my family died), but I still kind of missed hearing his stupid jokes and seeing that stupid smirk.

On the Saturday a week after the passageway incident, I was sitting and studying by the lake, trying my hardest not to think about James and wish that he wasn't having to go through something so horrible. My thoughts about him eventually ran off with me, so much so that I didn't realize it was nearly lunchtime until my stomach growled. I packed up all my books and began to walk back to the castle. As I did, I double-checked my bag to make sure I hadn't forgotten my quill, and at the same time felt someone run into my other shoulder. "Oi, watch it!" I shouted, looking around for the culprit.

It was a rather bulky Slytherin seventh year boy with two of his goons, and he looked outraged that I had just shouted at him for running into me. "Excuse me?" he asked furiously. I rolled my eyes with as much contempt as I could find and turned to walk away, but felt a rough hand grab my arm and hold me back.

"Get off," I commanded, but to no avail. At this point, I weighed my options. My wand was in my bag, and even if I had it I probably couldn't outdo three of them. The other choice was physical force, which was not the most favorable but was looking more and more like the only option. Hoping that they would have the decency not to hit a girl, I struggled against the leader's grip with various shouts and shrieks for him to let me go, all the while hearing the laughter of his goons in the background. Finally, I gave him a swift kick as hard as I could in the shin and his hold loosened for a split second. I dropped my bag and ran.

I heard the Slytherin boys pursuing me and ran even faster toward the lake, though I knew it would be a dead end. All of a sudden, one of them tackled me from behind and I faceplanted, dirt flying into my eyes and grass making its way into my mouth. "You've got a lot of nerve for a Mudblood," my pursuer rasped in my ear.

I was roughly pulled up from the ground and made to look at two of the boys while the other held my hands together from behind me. "Can you believe this Mudblood actually shouted at me?" the leader asked his goons. They gave their various negative responses, through which I discovered that the head of the three was named Eric Flint. "Mudblood, we need to teach you to respect your superiors," he said to me, flashing a malicious, crooked smile.

"I have a name, you know," I shot back.

"You'd better clean out that mouth of yours," he exclaimed. "Should we help her with that, boys?" Flint's sinister smile did not bode well for me. "I'd say the lake would help to wash her clean, wouldn't you?"

I laughed despite the fear I was feeling underneath my confident facade. "What are you, a bunch of nine-year-olds? Throwing me in the water, I'm so scared!" I exclaimed sarcastically.

"Incarcerous!" Flint shouted as he pointed his wand at me. All of a sudden I was bound head to foot in ropes. There would be no way for me to swim. There would be no way for me to keep from drowning.

The three boys lifted me up between them, and I thrashed from within the ropes and screamed from within the gag. Though my squirming made it a little harder for them to carry me, they were still making progress toward the lake, and I was panicking. My brain was going fuzzy and I wasn't even in the water yet. This couldn't be happening, there would be no way to swim whilst tied up, there had to be some way out, there had to be something I could do…

All of a sudden, I plummeted toward the ground. Looking around frantically to see what had caused my fall, I saw not three but four boys standing near me. The three Slytherins looked like deer in headlights staring at the boy who had just appeared, wearing Gryffindor Quidditch robes, pointing a wand straight at them, dropping his broom on the ground. His wire-rimmed glasses had been knocked a little lopsided, and the eyes behind them were burning with anger.

"What in the name of Merlin do you think you're doing?" James shouted.

"Just having a little fun, Potter," Flint taunted as he narrowed his eyes. James turned to me and removed the Incarcerous jinx, then looked back at Flint, who seemed to be getting a brilliant idea of what to say next. With a malicious grin on his face, he mumbled just loud enough for everyone to hear, "The stupid little Mudblood deserved it."

In the next five seconds, there were a lot of sudden movements accompanied by various shouts, cracks, and flashes of light. When my mind finally caught up to my eyes, I saw Eric Flint lying on the ground with a bloodied and broken nose, one of his goons slumped on the grass unconscious, the other goon sprinting back toward the castle, and James Potter standing in front of them all, looking like a madman. He took a few shaky breaths before speaking. "Get back to the castle before I have you expelled," he commanded. Flint and his friend didn't need telling twice; they turned and ran as fast as they could up the hill. After watching them go, James turned to me, and his expression softened from one of loathing to one of compassion.

"Lily, are you okay?" he asked as he walked over to me. "I wish I could've gotten here sooner, I can't believe they were doing that, I flew too high and I saw them and I knew something must be wrong…" His voice trailed off.

"I'm fine, James… I'm… I'm really sorry… I shouldn't have argued with them, I-"

"Lily," he interrupted me, "shut up. You did nothing wrong."

I paused for a moment, looking at the ground, still embarrassed about what had just happened. "Thank you," I mumbled.

"Any time," he said gently, no hint of joking in his voice. I looked up and smiled weakly at him, and he returned it with a grin only slightly stronger.

In that moment, I realized that what I wanted more than anything was to be with James Potter.

That's why I didn't hesitate at all to lean forward and press my lips firmly to his.

I felt all of his suppressed anger melt away as he wrapped his arms around my waist and I flung mine around his neck. He picked me up and spun me around, and I couldn't stop thinking that he actually cared about me, he had stood up for me, he wanted to defend me, I wasn't just a joke to him. As he set me back lightly on my feet and pulled away, he smiled wider than I had ever seen him smile. "Lily Evans, will you please go out with me?" he said softly, still grinning ear to ear.

"Of course," I said with a giggle, and he pulled me in and kissed me again.


End file.
